


this red is for you

by Ominous



Series: progress comes in small steps [7]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Discussions of Past Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Katelyn POV, M/M, Protective Neil Josten, andreil go on a mall date, andrew and katelyn bond a lil, as a treat, bonus andreil bc who do you think I am, discussions of tilda, don't talk about his bf he'll fight you, mostly a lot of comfort, neil is a little shit who loves to fight people, protective katelyn, some angst but very minimal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24400306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ominous/pseuds/Ominous
Summary: Katelyn never considered herself capable of doling out violence.It has always been a far away thought, dampened by college courses and late night dates with her boyfriend. She lives a stereotypical life, despite everything she's been through with Aaron. Aside from her growing connection with the notoriously troublesome Foxes, nothing much about her life has changed.Even then, she's learning she's still able to surprise herself. When Katelyn witnesses Neil defending Andrew, her own protective rage rears its head, ready to be explored.And maybe that's a good thing.
Relationships: Katelyn & Andrew Minyard, Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: progress comes in small steps [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593232
Comments: 125
Kudos: 791





	this red is for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back so soon haha after that 16k andreil I did want to give kateaaron some time (I love them a lot too!) but there's still a good amount of andreil in here bc I can't resist ;)
> 
> anyways, I'm really proud of this fic, I adore writing katelyn and I think in terms of POV she and aaron are my strong points, so I hope my love for them both shows here ; ;
> 
> Thank you so much [nightquills](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightquills/pseuds/nightquills) for beta-ing this and always supporting my wacky ideas lol ilusm! 
> 
> Enjoy!

The sound of a pipe shattering on the ground dislodges something inside Katelyn; it's unexpected, but not entirely unfamiliar. She'd felt the inklings of this...feeling during Aaron's trial, when he cried in her arms, and even back when she first heard the name _Tilda_.

She'd never been able to coax it fully out into the light, but she supposes it had to happen eventually. Maybe she only sees it now because she's stepped too far into the dark.

And of course, Neil is the spark to ignite the flames of realization.

The look in Neil's eyes is nothing short of menacing, like the feeling that comes from being cornered, or from realizing you're in danger a little too late to do anything about it. It stops Katelyn in an instant, her hair standing on end.

See, Katelyn is not deluded enough to think she exists in a safe world. She's especially not deluded enough to think she surrounds herself with safe _people_ either.

That's just how it worked out, and at this point she's so deep in the fox den she couldn't fathom clawing her way out. It's cozy here anyways...warm...

But from other people's points of view, she should've never been the type to venture here. She knows it's easy to label her as naive, or in over her head. She's, by all definitions, a good girl. _Good girl_. Whatever that means.

It's funny—after spending such a long time around her boyfriend and his family, she's not sure the concepts of good and bad can ever be so straightforward in her mind again.

But she still gets called that when she visits home. That always made her embarrassed; it's how the people at church referred to her, how her mother's friends gushed over her.

And she took it with a smile, because well, what else was there to do? It became a broken record statement, reiterated so many times she hardly noticed. But it made her parents happy, and it had gotten her far in life.

Perfect grades, a put together family, and a cheeriness that couldn't be beaten out of her. It's a brand of resilience that's often overlooked, but she's never resented the judgement passed on her for it. She's well aware of the checklists people run through when they see her; it's second nature to cross off every box to match her up with the stereotype. Even Aaron did it, when they first met.

And that's fine.

She's never had a problem occupying those boxes in people's minds, because in her own, she always ran through an infinite plane with no walls, no end.

It's a privileged way of thinking, and a little ridiculous, but she's proud that she's never become trapped by those boxes in her own head. She's happy Aaron now sees the real her, a fully fleshed out person who defied everything Aaron expected of her.

She's proud of that, but if she's being honest, she never had any doubts when it came to the two of them.

The truth is she's always done whatever she wanted, and she's never allowed herself to be ruled by expectations. She walks her own path, and she'll continue to do so, it's just...

For a long time, everything she wanted just so happened to fall in line with what everyone else wanted, so no one ever thought to notice how headstrong and stubborn she could truly be. How _brave_ she could be in the face of a world she now knows can be hideous.

Get good grades, make friends, pick a successful field of study. No problem. Katelyn loves being a cheerleader, and she's dreamed of being a physician since middle school. She likes being nice, and positive. She doesn't care that she can't shut up.

It had all fallen into place, it had all equaled good girl.

Until Aaron, until everything that came with him.

And see, for a lot of people that's an issue, it doesn't compute. Someone like Katelyn, who in their eyes has followed all the rules, is not supposed to be with someone like Aaron, with their perception of him.

Because he follows no rules; there's blood on his hands and bruises on his skin which will never fade. There's dulled track marks and a broken family, barely mended. He is not what anyone wanted for her.

But Katelyn...she wouldn't trade this life with him for anything. That feeling, that _love,_ singes so deep Katelyn sometimes thinks her autopsy will show third degree burns on every part of her, charred into the bone and marrow.

And honestly, (and not to be rude), fuck those people. At the end of the day _she_ knows Aaron, not them. It had not been an accident, an unfortunate case of 'can't help who you love,' and she hates when it's seen that way.

She'd embraced everything, because he'd done the same for her. And not just Aaron, but the Foxes accepted her too.

For the entire summer leading up to her freshman year and all the way through her schooling, she's heard the rumors, the whispers. The Foxes are notorious for their roughness, their almost animalistic drive to fight through blood and bone to survive. They have records, and a penchant for violence. They've lived through so much.

Unspeakable, brutal horrors. They still keep Katelyn up at night sometimes, holding Aaron so close to her he wakes up with a start. That's the real naive part of her, the part Andrew might scoff or glare at her for.

She doesn't care; no one deserves the things the Foxes went through. Anyone who tries to disagree with her goes immediately on her shit list.

Because even Andrew, with his initial hatred of her, sees what others do not. The Foxes protect their own, and they accept those who lend a hand to do the same. They'd welcomed her because of her love for Aaron, and eventually because of her love for his family. For all of them.

So again, Katelyn knows she doesn't run with a safe crowd.

But they make her _feel_ safe, and accepted, and that's always what has mattered most to her.

That being said, as much as she's part of them, she's not _one_ of them. She never believed she had that edge, that ruthlessness and impulsivity which could make her snap in the blink of an eye.

She was naive about that too, it seems.

The end of the pipe breaks off the moment Neil strikes it against the nearest railing, and before Katelyn can so much as blink, he has it against the football player's throat.

The rusted piece of metal is sharp and ribbed at the edge now, at the part closest to the vulnerable expanse of the player's neck. Katelyn is good at anatomy, better than Aaron. She knows exactly where the jugular is, and she's sure Neil does too. He can't be that precise on accident.

Katelyn's limbs lock up, not out of fear or concern, but out of pure shock. They're behind the gym, no one else around due to the late hour. The forgotten pieces of the school's construction project are strewn around the back entrance, and well...that explains where Neil got the pipe.

Katelyn hadn't even noticed, hadn't even comprehended Neil's sharp movements until the pipe was already in his hand. Neil's fast, but this isn't the normal agility, the sprints he employs on the Exy court.

This was unadulterated instinct, and the look in his eyes...

Television doesn't do it justice, but it's there. It's murder, packaged prettily in pools of blue. The football player doesn't dare to move his hands even in surrender— they're pinned at his side and locked up so hard, Katelyn's own muscles ache. He's trembling up at Neil, whose cleat is pressed firmly into his sternum. "H-hey man, calm down, I didn't mean--"

He wheezes next, and Katelyn realizes Neil must be pressing harder with each breath.

She doesn't move, doesn't even think to. At some point she dropped her gym bag, and shivers at the mood shift. Just a few minutes ago, Neil was laughing in that reserved way of his, trying to mimic Katelyn's cheer moves while she snapped pictures.

Because Andrew would appreciate them, deep down, she thought.

She wonders if Andrew would appreciate this Neil too, the one who is now devoid of any emotion. His face is a blank slate, ire bleeding through the edges.

Katelyn has no idea what the football player said as he passed them, and she's glad she didn't. All she heard was the clipped mumble, Andrew's name.

And then Neil was no longer next to her.

She can only guess how ugly the statement was, and that's the first thing that scares her about herself. She has no desire to stop Neil, and she knows deep down she won't.

It's the first crack in her delusion.

"You didn't mean it?" Neil states, barely questioning. His voice walks the line of a whisper, and his head tilt reminds Katelyn more of a rabid dog than a fox for a moment. Like Neil is gauging what angle is best to go for the throat. "Are you saying that because I could kill you right now, or do you always have changes of heart at such convenient times?"

The football player pales, but even he doesn't truly know. Despite all of Neil's history coming out to the general public, he can't possibly know how serious Neil is.

But Katelyn does, and she wraps her arms around herself from the chill. Still, she does nothing.

It's more fascinating than anything to her; Neil's impulsive arguments are always loud, full of sass, snarky...

This is not that.

Neil presses the pipe securely into the man's flesh, and doesn't look surprised when that's the moment the pleading starts. "Wait, ple--"

That, Neil flinches at. "Shut up," he says, quietly, but it's loud in the narrow space. Katelyn even steps back from the force of it. And oh, she gets it, and sadness unfurls in her chest. "Just _shut up_."

Then, it happens.

Now, Katelyn has never actually seen Neil do this. She's only heard stories from Aaron. To her, Neil's smile is a reserved, rare thing, but sweet nonetheless. It's always a win when she can cause one—even if it’s the wry, sardonic kind. They make her feel accomplished, happy.

Neil's smile now is one Katelyn hopes to never see again. It's so slow, it almost reminds her of a mask; the jagged teeth don't quite fit together. She's heard the rumors of the Butcher's Smile, and she's seen Neil cringe every time.

But in her mind, that's all bullshit; this is all Neil's rage, cold and cutting. It could never belong to anyone else.

Neil takes his leg off the player's chest, dropping down so they're eye level. He takes the pipe away, and the football player doesn't move, doesn't do _anything_. It's arrogant, in a way; Neil is very clearly saying he can hinder this man with this look alone, this single threat.

Neil's smile grows. "Now listen, okay? You can trade insults with me all day, I don't give half a _shit_. But don't you ever fucking talk to me about Andrew again. Do you understand me?"

Katelyn winces at the same moment the football player jumps away from Neil. Well, if he doesn't understand from _that_ , there's no getting through to him.

He stumbles as he runs away, kicking over some stray pipes in the process as he calls back over his shoulder. "Freak!"

Neil snorts as he stands, throwing the pipe with disinterest to the side. "How original."

And just like that, a switch is flipped. Neil turns back to her, hands in his hoodie, and the traces of the forbidden smile are wiped away as he drags a hand over his face to correct the muscles there. Then it's back to his neutral facade, with a dash of wariness mixed in as he approaches her.

She hasn't moved.

"Katelyn." Neil snaps his fingers in front of her face, and Katelyn glares as she bats his hand away.

Her other hand flies to her chest, trying to tamper down the beating of her heart. She knows Neil is protective, that Andrew is too. It's obvious, given how they are, but that...that was—

"How...you—" she begins, but can't find the words. She huffs, and watches as Neil picks up her duffel and shoves it into her arms without care.

He's never been particularly gentle, and Katelyn's always appreciated it. Neil's not a liar anymore, though he's a damn good one. He'll give her his genuine reactions, no matter how callous they are.

"Yes," he agrees, which makes her glare harder. The only thing that gives her some satisfaction is the light blush on his face. Interesting. "Don't make a big deal out of it."

"But...why?" she tries, dropping her bag again. Neil tracks it, in that infuriating way he always does. In retaliation, Katelyn snaps right in his face until he's staring at her again, just as _done_ as he looks when she talks about _The Bachelor_. "If you can protect yourself like _that_ , why...?"

Why does everyone talk about Neil like he can barely throw a punch? In fact, Katelyn's pretty sure everyone thinks he's got an addiction to starting fights with no way of winning them.

That’s quite obviously not the case.

But Neil just shrugs, shouldering Katelyn's bag for her. Neil fidgets then, shifting his weight, and his blush grows. "I like when Andrew protects me," he whispers, staring at his shoes. It's such a sweet, innocent confession, Katelyn nearly can't believe it.

But in reality, and just from seeing Neil's soft smile as he thinks of Andrew, she totally can.

This piece of work...

Katelyn huffs, throwing her hands up. "That's a lot of faith to put in someone."

It gets her the rise she wants. Neil glares at her, pouting. "Andrew might not have every fighting skill in the book but he's strong," he says, head held high. They're the same height, so it barely works. " _And_ he's powered by pure force of will. It doesn't matter who he's fighting, or how bad he's hurt, Andrew will do significant damage."

Katelyn waves him off, taking her bag back. She doesn't doubt it; she was almost on the receiving end of such damage, and Neil was a witness.

She thinks that's the end of it when Neil turns around to grab his own bag, but something uneasy and restless still churns inside her. She's not sure why it's such a catalyst, but she feels the seams of something splitting open.

Neil hadn't even hesitated to go on the offensive for Andrew, something he usually avoids. A situation he'd normally attack verbally collided with the urge for bloodshed, the protective instinct spiking in him until it overflowed.

Like there was no choice, no other decision to make.

Can the need to protect really be so strong, the consequences of _murder_ don't even matter?

Oh, no, no. She throws that thought out right away, admonishing herself for her own stupidity. The answer is yes—a deafening, resounding yes. She thinks of a car crash, a bloody exy racquet.

In her mind, in the smallest, darkest corners...she always regarded those moments as essential.

The churning in her stomach gets worse; it feels wrong, and ugly, to say certain people deserve to die. She's always been taught that wishing that level of ill on someone was a sin itself, but here she is, thinking it anyways.

Because they _did_ deserve to die. She shudders, the guilt immense, because she doesn't feel bad but she knows she should.

And then it becomes so clear what her hang up is.

Would she ever do that? Could she spill blood for Aaron, and wipe her hands afterwards? Would she be alright, just knowing she'd kept him safe?

The answer is yelling, clawing to break through, but she stuffs it down. She's a coward sometimes; she doesn't know how to handle the reality of that answer.

Neil's voice snaps her out of it, but in typical Neil fashion, he rips the problem open all the way so she can see it. So she can't escape it.

"Andrew doesn't ever protect himself against words. Boundaries, lines...he knows how to handle those. But he doesn't care what people say, no matter how putrid the shit out of their mouths is," Neil says when he turns back to her, half shrouded. There's a tremble in his voice, one only rage can produce. There's not an ounce of doubt in his face. "So I will."

_'I will fight the world for this person.'_

Katelyn knows the feeling well. Too well, even. It terrifies her, how much she understands. Her hand clenches around her heart, and she thinks of how that feeling surged whenever Aaron cried in her arms after the trial. Whenever she heard the rumors, the whispers...

She would just see _red_ , splashed on walls in flashes, painted in thick stripes. And she clamped that feeling down, tamed it into something nicer and prettier. She applied it in other ways, in sharp glares and acts of affection. Giving Aaron what he deserves: unconditional love, instead of heavy hands and insults.

She disguised the wild dog inside her, too. Good girl.

But when Neil smirks at her, the lingering ghost of that smile hidden beneath, it lets the beast loose.

"I know what everyone thinks of Andrew, and they're right. He can be dangerous when it's required," Neil hums, fond and icy all at once. "But believe me, when it comes down to it, _I'm_ the scary one."

Even if no one else realizes it, Katelyn will never doubt that again. She feels the ring of thorns around her throat, pressing tighter as she forces out the question. She needs to know, or she needs to hear it.

"You'd kill?" Katelyn asks, small and childish. It's not even a complete question, but Neil's eyes darken enough for her to know he get its. _You'd kill for him? For the person you love..._

Neil gives her that expression—not judging, but slightly amused. "Wouldn't you?"

It knocks the air out of her, and well...she has no response to that yet. Not one she's willing to speak aloud. But there's no use now; her mind is latched onto it.

Neil doesn't give her a chance to respond before he starts walking away, trusting her to either catch up or be left behind. But then he stops, shoulders tense. It's enough to snap Katelyn out of her crisis momentarily, especially when Neil turns around with an almost sheepish look on his face. The flush is back, painting his scarred cheeks with a different red than the one behind Katelyn's eyes.

"Uh, Katelyn, do you think you could maybe keep this to yourself?" Neil says, looking behind him as if another person will materialize out of nowhere. "Like...don't tell Andrew."

Katelyn's mouth opens and closes too many times for her to count, before she settles on a majestic: "Huh?"

Neil winces, kicking the gravel at his feet. She was always under the impression that Neil and Andrew don't keep _anything_ from each other. Neil seems to know this, and he deflates even more. "It's just...it's not that big of a secret, okay? It's embarrassing is all!"

And Katelyn can't help it: she laughs, long and borderline hysterical. It's probably mixed with relief after seeing Neil nearly kill a man, but whatever, it's a release nonetheless.

She slides up to Neil, pausing to give him time to move away, but he simply nods. She throws her arms around his shoulders, dragging him forward. She has a lot to think about, but for now...their boyfriends are probably waiting. "Don't worry, I got you."

Neil's smile is rueful. "I owe you one."

Katelyn tenses up, and is already shaking her head. No, no. She and Andrew might not be best friends yet, but she knows enough to know Neil shouldn't have to owe her _anything_ if she wants to escape the blond's wrath. "Uh, no, Neil, really it's--"

"Believe me, Katelyn," Neil interrupts, hip checking her gently. "It's not something I give out often. Take it. Trust me."

So Katelyn doesn't question it. She's sure it'll come in handy, one of these days.

She laughs again, her charm bracelet jingling against her wrist. It reminds her of what's important. Her crisis could be worse, and there's at least one thing she knows for sure.

It's founded in love.

She'll figure it out, because the beast running free gives her no choice. Even knowing that, she sleeps peacefully later that night, bundled into Aaron's side, and the red behind her eyes waits for a new day to paint with vengeance.

\--

However, she comes to find that such a passionate color doesn't wash out so easily. It's always there, whether as a sheen or in all its vibrance.

She's lying naked in her bed with Aaron staring at the smooth expanse of her abdomen; there's a satisfied ache deep and heavy in her bones, and when she stretches her joints pop loud enough to make Aaron smirk. She can vaguely remember a time where she wasn't able to feel so comfortable being completely bare in front of him. There was a pressure to be desirable, to angle herself a certain way and be covered quickly after. It was shared, mutual, their hyperawareness of one another. That time gets murkier and murkier with each passing day, and she smiles at the ticklish feeling of Aaron's fingers grazing her skin. Her roommates are out for the weekend, and she's doing that thing where she hogs all the blankets but only covers her legs. She runs hot, go figure, but the blanket is too cozy to not use. It's one of those fancy, overhyped crochet quilts—a gift from Nicky for her birthday.

It's a deep burgundy color, and she might scoff if it weren't for the thoughts in her head. This feeling here, she knows, is the purest definition of contentment. Despite her sweaty skin and dry hands, the heaviness to her limbs...

She can't imagine being without it, or having it stripped away. She wouldn't let that happen.

She suppresses the huff that threatens to escape her. Closing her eyes briefly, she turns over; her back protests, and Aaron lazily wipes the frizzy hair from her forehead. He's not even looking at her when she opens her eyes, face tired and staring into the void that is the mole on her hip. He just...he knows where she is, where her face is; Aaron touches her because he loves to, and there's no ulterior motive. Katelyn smiles brighter, because she doubts he's even aware he did it.

But the gentle touch is so familiar, nurturing in ways Aaron never received himself. But he learned them, and he gives his 110% into applying them.

And oh, Katelyn's hands fist into the deep red fabric; sometimes a feeling is so overwhelming she can't help but feel her eyes get watery, and she doesn't even know _why_. She's not sure it's safe to touch Aaron when she's this full of anger, choked up with wariness for the world around them.

She doesn't want to be like _her_ , but when she finally works up the courage to brush her hand through Aaron's hair, the touch is featherlight. Soft.

Safe here, in her arms.

Her lower lip trembles, and she scolds herself for it. She's not good at holding back tears, at holding back _anything_. Her fingers graze the scar on Aaron's scalp, almost undetectable with his blond hair. She's memorized the feel of it though, the groove where something hit him too hard.

She pulls her hand away with a shaky breath, and Aaron's eyes finally snap up to meet her. They bore into her, his brow furrowing before widening in panic once he sees the tears in her eyes.

It's the last straw for her, he cares so much it shreds her composure. _Aaron, you didn't deserve what happened. I wish I had been there, I wish I could've--_

'There's no _deserve_ , there just _is_.'

Andrew's words had been something she brushed off on a particularly awkward double date, back when their care ride was nothing but an impossible fantasy.

But again, she has to disagree.

What is she supposed to do about this?

For the first time, she falls into a box. She's a good girl, right? She's not supposed to think about blood and flesh, of bashing in the faces of people who hurt Aaron. Past, present, future. Doesn't matter, they'd all _deserve_ it.

"Kate, what is it?" Aaron asks, sitting up to drape himself over her. His eyes flit over her, moving the blanket aside. She's not sure why, but it's always Aaron's first instinct to look for signs of violence. No, scratch that. She knows why. She swallows down the lump in her throat with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, and tilts Aaron's chin until he's staring right at her again. Gold eyes, flecks of green...

"I'm just...happy you're here with me," she whispers, pressing her nose to his cheek. It's stupid, but she tries to press the feeling into him. She means it. She's never meant anything so strongly. He lets her, falling back into bed and opening his arms so she can move closer. The medical ID bracelet she gifted him slides down his wrist; it had been a gag gift at first, a play on their majors and the fact Katelyn wanted them to have matching jewelry. It was a hint, a push so he'd buy something subtle instead, a ring or chain maybe...

Aaron never liked to stand out, to be flashy. But he had rolled with the gift completely, and from the moment he clipped it on, she'd only seen him remove it for Exy.

She sniffles again, grabbing his wrist and keeping her hand there, feeling his pulse. Alive, breathing.

"Aaron..." she says, before she can take the urge and bottle it back up. She looks right at him, trying to communicate as much of the heat as she can. "I wouldn't let anything happen to you, I swear."

It comes out more pathetic than she intended; it's worse than the randomness. What is she supposed to do in the face of a threat? She's never had to deal with one. She's a short college student who has never had to throw a punch, has never thought about it before. But still...but still, she'd do whatever she could; she'd bite and thrash until she couldn't anymore.

Because Aaron would do the same for her, because maybe that feeling is... _normal_ , when it comes to loving someone. And she _loves_ , she loves so much it apparently still has the ability to turn her world upside down.

Aaron's eyes widen, but thankfully he doesn't ask. She likes to think it's because she said it confidently enough he wouldn't dream of questioning it, but she smiles wider from the truth. Sometimes Aaron doesn't get it and doesn't know where to start; she would giggle, if she wasn't so close to sobbing. Aaron can be slow, can take a few days to catch up. But he will, and hopefully by then she can better explain it.

She's past questioning why the feeling exists at all. She's proud of it.

So instead of asking, Aaron nods, slow and sure. He trusts her, he believes her, and Katelyn lets a few tears wet Aaron's shoulder when he pulls her in tight. "Come here," he says when she hesitates, like she wants to make sure it's alright, and he accepts all of her. She melts against him, pouring every unspoken promise into the embrace. Katelyn knows Aaron can't read her mind, but it doesn't stop him from kissing her forehead, from whispering: "I know that, I know."

And Katelyn truly hopes he does.

\--

The first time she and Aaron fought, it was something insignificant.

Katelyn can barely remember it now, something trivial like class schedules or a project. It seems so far away, and it’s ridiculous to care about something so silly, but they're only human. Frustrations had been high, and it had felt almost like a rite of passage.

'You aren't in a real relationship if you don't argue,' her father had told her once. She now knows that's mostly bullshit people tell themselves so they can justify their screaming matches.

Disagreements yes, bickering, disgruntlement...

Normal; so, in a way, it was a milestone, but not in the way her parents would’ve thought. The fight revealed more things to learn about each other, to make sure and be considerate of.

_I don't like when you do this._

_I appreciated this._

_Please be more aware of this other thing._

_I know this was unavoidable, but it still bothered me._

In hindsight, that's what all those little quarrels got her: experience, patience.

But in the moment, she'd just been annoyed. Aaron mumbled something under his breath when she turned away, and she'd been too petty to let it go.

Their 'fight' had been _normal_ , until it wasn't.

Katelyn heard the clipped tone and turned around sharply, jaw clenched, and took a deliberate step toward him to tell him _exactly_ how rude he was being.

And Aaron flinched.

Full body, he moved back a step, expecting a strike. They'd both frozen once they realized; it had been an instinctual movement, and guilt clouded Aaron's eyes a second later. But Katelyn had seen it; there had been this brief flash of _terror_ there, but not surprise.

Like being slapped across the face would've been completely acceptable. The old normal.

Even if it had just been a second, Aaron had been afraid. Of her. Or some remnant of a ghost always lurking in the corner of Aaron's life.

She's not sure, but it didn't matter.

Katelyn remembers the irritation flooding right out of her, her body deflating as Aaron tried to offer up some kind of apology. By that point in time, Katelyn knew enough about Tilda. They'd been at the stage where confiding in each other was easy, but up until that point her rage over it had been quite shallow. It was in the past, Tilda was gone. Why linger on something painful?

She hadn't seen the effects, but here they were, staring her down.

That day, Katelyn decided she'd never despised someone more in her entire life, and probably never would again. Respect for the dead and all that...something she'd believed in before that no longer applied.

Whatever Aaron was trying to apologize for, she didn't care. She swept him up in her arms until all his weight collapsed onto her, and she let him sob into her shoulder. They were both sorry for different things, maybe things they shouldn't have been. The fight from moments before became inconsequential, and they both owned up to their faults in it.

They'd even laughed through their tears, nonsense about how they'd both just retake the class, or how the professor sucked anyways. Katelyn cried through the night, and probably looked unrecognizable in the morning with her puffy eyes and gnawed lip.

Aaron had helped put spoons in the freezer to help the swelling go down, probably the sloppiest pre-med care he'd ever done, because they had no ice packs.

And naturally, they'd talked about the rest. They exhausted the topic until Katelyn made sure Aaron knew...

_"I would never hurt you," she whispered, partly to herself. A promise, an oath._

_"I know you wouldn't."_

_Her eyes were ablaze when she looked at him again. "You never deserved to be hurt."_

That one hadn't gotten her a response, but she kept repeating it. She'd keep repeating it.

The night had passed, fading into the background of anniversaries, finals, and sports.

But she never forgot. It had lurked in her, adding to the beast which she'd been confronting the past few days.

It's actually Andrew who calls it back to the forefront of her mind.

They're in the dorm, the four of them, and she's gone through at least two boxes of Raisinets (which Andrew had called a sin) and a liter of soda. The television is blaring with sounds of gunfire and distorted radio effects, which none of the boys seem to mind.

She's watched Aaron play (and fail) at this game so many times over the past few years, that it no longer bothers her. Her eyes drift over the room, fondly lingering over where Aaron is trying to not pull his hair out while he’s teaching Neil how to play.

Neil is holding the controller wrong, but she's pretty sure he's doing it on purpose, and she stifles a giggle into her soda cup.

And then...there's Andrew. He's sitting against the far wall, a watchful eye to the end. He tilts his head every now and again as Neil smirks and scowls, and Katelyn doesn't try to parse those thoughts. She's pretty sure either too much goes on in Andrew's head or nothing at all, but either way Neil ends up being a point of clarity.

He's not doing anything attention-grabbing, but Andrew rarely is. But the memory guided Katelyn's attention to him, to the curl of his hands. It's not that she's afraid to approach him for the old reasons; she does it on occasion, though she's better with the rules now. It's only necessary to talk to Andrew when she has something to say, something that matters.

This...definitely mattered.

And the thing is, she's sure he'll agree. He'll at least lift his head. He had nodded at her when she walked into their dorm, a more common occurrence now that still makes Aaron falter each time. It still feels like a beginning, but it feels _nice_ all the same.

Andrew gets up, footsteps loud as he walks past where Neil is sitting in one of the beanbag chairs. His hand grazes the back of Neil's neck while the other opens the soda next to him, pushing it into Neil's hands in place of the controller. It's such a familiar dance that neither of them linger on it. Neil's glare at Aaron doesn't falter even as Andrew walks out of the room for a smoke break.

Katelyn stares after him, lingering on Andrew's back as he leans against the outside railing. It's been awhile since she's seen Andrew truly tense; he looks how he feels for once. Calm, in the moment. Katelyn wonders if it's a feeling he takes for granted, or one he refuses to acknowledge. Either way, it just makes her more hesitant to approach him.

She doesn't want to break this peace they both have, here with their people on a cool summer night.

But if she doesn't say it...no. She's not sure it's avoidable at this point. It pushes on her vocal chords and claws at her pressed lips, prying them apart. Katelyn thinks of Aaron next to her in bed, or in her arms, safe and sound. She realizes she's wanted to say this for a long time.

Katelyn stands quietly, though she doesn't have to. Aaron and Neil are glued to the game, and any sound she makes is drowned out by explosions and gunfire.

"Josten, you _can't_ be this much of an idiot," Aaron says, more agonized than annoyed at this point. He jabs his fingers over his own controller, like he can take it out on the plastic instead of Neil's brain.

"Oh yeah? _Bet_ ," Neil answers, because at least he's self-aware. "And what the hell? I did the combo _right_ that time."

"No you didn't! You just keep smashing the buttons in a random order!" Aaron mimics it, and in true form, is killed on screen. " _Shit_. You're destroying my rankings."

"Don't blame me because you suck at this."

Neil is correct. Aaron has never successfully beaten either Andrew or Nicky. Once, while drunk, he cried about it.

"I do not," Aaron grumbles, and he starts the next round. "Here. _Watch_."

Katelyn doesn't wait to hear Neil's snippy response; her smile fades as she steps out onto the balcony, the cool air hitting her flushed cheeks. She laughs at herself, nothing more than a light huff; to think part of her is actually fired up over this, a little proud. Like it's about time.

She's sure she should feel ashamed of that, ugly. But she doesn't.

The sound makes Andrew whip his head around, the softness stripped away to reveal sharp edges, pulling her apart. The hand holding Andrew's cigarette pauses in mid-air, and he waits, because why would Andrew speak first?

Katelyn smiles wryly before she hardens, grip so tight on the door column that the old paint chips. She's learned there's no reason to lead in with anything when it comes to Andrew; he doesn't care about niceties, or fronts.

She only has one thing to say, and she's going to say it regardless of whether or not she gets a response. She turns to check on Aaron one last time, and he's oblivious. As he should be, for this.

That's Katelyn's only source of guilt. But she knows, maybe as well as Andrew, that Aaron is not ready to hear this. He probably never will be.

Katelyn takes one step forward, right where Andrew's boundary ends, and makes sure there's zero room for him to doubt her.

"I'm glad you killed her."

It comes out a lot more serious than she thought; it was what she was going for, but she expected some quiver to her tone, a weakness.

There is none. Her voice is devoid of any regret, any sympathy, and that's everything she ever wanted. _That's_ what Tilda deserved, at the bare minimum.

And if it's all Katelyn can give, she'll do it. She'll thank the person who did whatever he could.

She clasps a hand over her mouth when she realizes she's smiling, an inkling of that coldness bleeding through, but it's too late.

Andrew saw.

She guesses that's fair though; she tries to wipe the smile away but it sticks, it pulls open her lips like rusted gates, releasing those words she craved. Andrew lowers his cigarette as he takes this in, and Katelyn's not sure what he finds.

She hopes it's something good.

Katelyn doesn't wait for Andrew to respond before she walks back into the dorm, nothing more to say. She feels Andrew's gaze on her back, and she trusts it. When had that happened?

When had she stopped expecting a threat? When had she realized there was no need to flinch?

The warmth fills her to the brim. She climbs into Aaron's chair as he mopes over his loss, nuzzling his cheek. His hand finds hers like a moth to the flame before he stands up to switch the game to Mario Party so they can all play. Her smile from before morphs into something full and colorful. Bright.

She claps excitedly, rummaging through the tangled basket below the entertainment system for her controller. She's already challenging and throwing jabs at Neil, who is her biggest rival in this game. The twins always lose.

She's vaguely aware of Neil calling Andrew back into the room, but then there's Andrew's hand in front of her face, untangling the chord for her. She gasps as he frees the pink controller from its confines, dangling it in front of her.

She reaches for it on instinct, but hesitates when she glances up at him. She's...in his bubble. It's only for a moment, but it closes up her throat.

"Well?" He says when she freezes, unmoving for too long. Katelyn notices, with no shortage of joy, that Andrew's shoulders are still relaxed. He's comfortable. Accepting.

She blinks away the shock behind her eyes and grips the controller, smiling up at him. The moment ends in an instant, Andrew's bored expression already focused elsewhere. He turns away from her as he plops down by Neil, and she avoids the smug smile Neil sends her.

Whether it's due to the game or his own weird intuition, Katelyn doesn't know.

All she knows in that moment is that she's going to smoke them all.

Katelyn jumps up, and the lightness in her heart threatens to steer her into the ceiling. She takes her place beside Aaron and lets the shit talking begin.

\--

Granted, there parts of Katelyn that are still naive. It comes with the territory, with pretty cookie cutter houses and neighborhood watch meetings.

See, as much as she was ready to acknowledge her protectiveness, she never thought she'd have to resort to actual violence... _ever_. She assumed those times were behind them, that life would be boring and wonderful from here on out.

Most things should seem boring anyways, after everything they’ve been through.

 _You've always have to be the optimist_.

What she didn't know was just how prepared her mind was for reality, lying in wait behind the scope of her conscious thought. And come to think of it, that was naive of her too, to think feelings take a vacation just because you accept them.

Her pom-poms hit the floor with a clatter as she jumps up, high as she can. She's cheering, trying to be heard over the rest of her squad while her coach tries to calm them down. It never works.

Katelyn is taking off from the cheer section despite the teasing from the other girls, but they should be used to this by now.

She has a flair for the dramatic, and she's on the court soon after the final buzzer rings. The score is in the Foxes' favor tonight, promising an excessive party later on. She wonders if she can convince the girls to give her the room for a few hours...

The crowd roars behind her as she and the rest of the cheerleaders rush onto the court, but her excitement is her own and twice as powerful.

It's tradition now for her to seek Aaron out, to leap into his arms after every game won. Sue her, she's cheesy like that. And after being deprived of it for so long...she's gotten greedy. Andrew barely bats an eye anymore, comically side stepping them.

She's confused though, because normally they meet halfway. She runs to center court and can't see Aaron anywhere, and her confusion only doubles when she sees a mass of people forming up ahead.

There's a sizable crowd around where the Foxes' huddle should be, a mix of referees and substitute players, and she pushes through them to get a better look. She doesn't realize her body is already buzzing, alive with nervous energy and dread. It knows something she hasn't quite figured out yet.

That's why she's not just nudging people out of the way, she's shoving them, elbowing them as the yelling gets louder. It's normally her personality that bulldozes, but today it's every last inch of her.

Her blood feels like it ignites. Her body is thrown into fight or flight mode, and fight is definitely preferred.

It happens fast.

Aaron has never let his height deter him, and as neutral as he can be in most situations, he's got a short fuse at times and a fighting spirit to match. His anger is explosive. It happens in short bursts, but can raze fields in its wake. It gets him into a lot of trouble; he can say things he doesn't mean or things he _absolutely_ means, which are typically worse. Today it's the latter.

Aaron is face to face with a player from the other team, and the words roar in Katelyn's ears. They're murky and muddled, like her brain has deemed the meaning and context irrelevant. All she needs to know is they're unkind, provoking. The backliner towers over Aaron, trading his own insults. 'Murderer' and 'inbred' and a slew of other original things hit Aaron point blank, but he's heard it all before. Whatever Aaron says in return must be cutting, and while Katelyn can't differentiate the words from curses, she knows they land.

Her heart jumps to her throat and the crowd gets louder around her; it's static in nature, too much at once, and everything in her stands on end. Poised to strike.

She doesn't care what they're arguing about, or who she's with, or what she's _doing_. She just sees the backliner's fist fly back, half the size of Aaron's head, and she simply reacts. She almost wants to blame the beast, that dark corner of her mind, for what happens next.

But it's all her, and it's always been all her.

Andrew moves out of the corner of her eye, sensing the same violent outcome. Their deal might be over, but the promise isn't. Andrew's instinct to protect his own will always be there.

But for once, Katelyn is faster.

Nicky is standing nearby, or maybe she ran to him...she's not sure, and it doesn't matter. Her blood is rushing into her ears and her heartbeat has drowned out the crowd. She wrenches the racquet from Nicky's hands before he even sees her.

There's no chance of her comprehending it, of stopping, so she doesn't. She brings the racquet back in the fiercest swing she can manage given her noodle arms, and punches the air out of the bastard's lungs with it. It hits him right in the stomach, and Katelyn makes sure not to break anything.

Again, she's good at anatomy.

It's a painful, underhanded hit, and she hopes it leaves a bruise. Nicky's racquet creaks a bit from the force of it, but it did its job well. Katelyn watches with a wicked satisfaction as the guy goes down with a groan, clutching his gut.

There's still anger in his eyes, a bitterness, but it pales in comparison to her own.

And it's in that moment she thinks she understands Neil best. _'I'm the scary one.'_

Yes, yes, Katelyn thinks that's more than appropriate. She didn't understand then that it was simply an observation based on a feeling. It's the same feeling she's feeling now, and she supposes she has changed quite a lot from even that initial conversation.

Because she doesn't dwell on the feeling, or worry about what ugly things it says about her. It just _is_ , and it's in the name of the emotion she loves so much. The _person_ she loves so much.

So, her arm goes back with less force this time, less power, but it still goes back. Ready to deal another blow, ready to fight as much as she needs to if it means protecting Aaron.

It's not quite bloodlust, but it would get her the same result to call it that, so oh well.

She doesn't get the chance to find out how far she's willing to go; she's barely begun to swing forward when someone grabs the handle of the racquet, stopping her cold. She gasps then, realizing what's she doing, and again there's no regret. There _is_ concern for the witnesses, though.

Heat rushes to her face as her eyes dart around, waiting for the vilification that's sure to come. But no. Everyone's eyes are glued to the groaning mess on the floor. Baby.

Katelyn takes a moment to catch her breath and get her shit together, because she can't believe she was that ready to maim someone in the middle of their stadium, and then turns to see the person who _did_ notice.

Of course it's Neil. _Of course_.

His face is trying very hard to remain the default, completely blank, but Katelyn catches the edge of amusement playing at his lips. He'd know better than anyone, right? How close she'd come to going full apeshit, and she's sure she'll never hear the end of it. As she realizes that, Neil's smile blooms, and she tenses. _Oh, shut up._ Neil huffs a laugh, yanking the racquet from her hands. "I'll take that, thanks."

Katelyn tries to glare, but she can't help but smile all the same.

"Katelyn..." a voice says off to her side, and she turns to find Aaron paused midstep, worry battling with something _else_ entirely on his face. She reaches for his hand, curling tight, and the blush on his face intensifies until it's wrapped around his ears and choking him by the neck. "Uh...you...wow."

Katelyn smirks.

Ah. Interesting. She could definitely get used to this.

"Ha," Andrew deadpans from behind Aaron, and wow, Katelyn doesn't think she's ever seen him jump so high.

"Y-you just _shut up_."

Katelyn's giggle is interrupted by another groan a few feet away, and the backliner glares at her with what's supposed to be pure contempt. Somehow, she's not fazed. Maybe it's the fact he's tried to get up twice now to no avail. Aaron scowls down at him, hand tight in Katelyn's, and she's never felt safer.

"Fucking bit--"

Neil leans down to his eye level in an instant, oddly reminiscent of the first time. The ire in his blue eyes is extinguished though, replaced with lazy satisfaction. Katelyn's pride in herself swells. "Hey, want me to pick up where she left off?" Neil asks, spinning the racquet in his hand. "I hit a lot harder than she does."

Katelyn really laughs then, when the backliner's face pales and Aaron smirks. Wymack starts saying something about 'restraint' and 'discipline' in Neil's face, but it hardly makes a difference.

She would've kept going. That's on her, and she's better for it. She knows she won't hesitate, that what lies dormant in her is the same as what thrashes daily inside most of the Foxes. That's enough for her, and she returns all their smiles as they pat her on the back.

It's a backwards congratulations, but the Foxes have never looked down on a protective impulse, no matter how small or rare. Even Wymack gives her a long look before shaking his head. '"These kids...I swear."

She will never be like the rest of them, not in full, but what drives her is the same. She knows that deep down, and doesn't let it scare her. Instead she leans into Aaron, kissing his cheek to congratulate him on his good game, his skin still hot as the school blacktop.

The coaches and referees clear the field, and Katelyn wishes she could bottle this lightness, this certainty.

Andrew nods at her as she passes, imperceptible, and Neil is beaming next to him. Neil shares a look of understanding with her, smugness palpable. _'Told ya so.'_

Katelyn only gets a little satisfaction at the way Neil avoids Andrew's gaze a second later. Their dance is amusing, natural. Neil sidesteps to hide his face, and Andrew blocks his path, corralling him effectively.

Neil huffs in Andrew's face, all too used to it.

The words come back to the front of Katelyn's mind from that day. Her own voice echoes: y _ou'd kill?_

"Neil," she calls after him, a touch too cheerful, and he turns lazily. Like he expects it. She'll never say she understands Neil. It's frankly not possible to know how much he's aware of and how much goes completely over his head. In this case, she knows he'll hear and comprehend everything.

"I would," she says, and ignores the confused look the twins exchange. Neil's smile sharpens, a mirror of her own, before he's dragging Andrew to the locker room. Hmm. Katelyn wonders if Neil would have a good cackle. She'll have to ask.

"I'm not ever going to know what that was about, am I?" Aaron asks, but he's less pouty about it than normal. He's accepted their weird friendships, the uniquely cultivated bonds between each of them. Mostly.

He smiles at her as she leans down, stealing a kiss. "Definitely not."

She giggles when he dips her, indulging her dramatic side, and the sound bounces off the stadium walls.

\--

**++bonus**

Neil assumes this is his punishment, though Andrew doesn't explicitly _say_ it is.

The mall is slow on the following Tuesday afternoon, which is specifically why they always schedule their mall _excursions_ (Andrew refuses to call them dates) during the week.

He's glad, because most of the time it means there’s not a lot of people shopping, which means more stolen kisses for him. It's also good for times like this, so people don't have to see his suffering.

Neil watches with dread as Andrew opens the blue and white Cinnabon box, revealing the gooey, overly iced monstrosity inside. Neil feels his taste buds protest already as he watches Andrew cut off a particularly big chunk.

Neil should've known something was off when Andrew didn't even complain _once_ about ordering Neil a large smoothie.

Betrayed.

Gently, too gently for how awful this punishment is, Andrew cups Neil's chin with his hand, pressing down just enough to make his cheeks puff up. His face is a blank void, out of the ordinary these days when it's just the two of them, and Neil sighs internally. There really is no getting out of this. Andrew quirks a brow, holding the nauseating dessert up to Neil's mouth. "Say ‘ah.’"

Neil glares, but does so begrudgingly. If it's something Andrew knows he truly hates, he wouldn't even offer it, but Neil's never actually _had_ one of these things before. The overabundance of cinnamon leaves him grimacing as he chews, and Andrew's expression still gives nothing away. Not even the signature 'you're so dramatic' tilt of his head. Neil knows the taste is enough to stain for at least twenty minutes, and the urge to wash it down with his strawberry smoothie is fierce.

But he waits, because he doubts it's over.

Andrew watches him swallow pitifully before turning back to the rest of the cinnamon roll, cutting himself a piece and then _dousing_ it in the extra icing he paid for.

Neil's feelings are unconditional, truly.

When he's done consuming the sinful piece of overly fluffy sugar, Neil tracks the leftover icing on Andrew's lips. He's weak, he'll admit, but he knows kissing Andrew would be twice as sweet as the dessert itself.

And ah, that's when it all makes sense.

Andrew sets his fork and knife down very deliberately before spinning to face Neil, tilting his head in the closest thing to innocent Andrew can manage. "Kiss me?"

Neil nearly whimpers. It's incredibly unfair. Andrew rarely asks for kisses anymore—neither of them do. So now it's just endearing as hell, and Andrew never phrases it like _that_.

And well, Neil always wants to kiss Andrew, no matter how sugary the consequences. He nods excitedly, scooting forward on the bench. It gets him a crack in the mask finally, as Andrew's gaze softens, warm and... _wow_.

"Stop it," Andrew mumbles, and then his lips are on Neil's. Neil sighs into it, latching onto Andrew's sleeves when he feels him start to pull away. He typically understands short kisses when they're in public, but today it feels especially petty, so he swipes his tongue to catch some of the icing at the corner of Andrew's mouth.

But when Andrew is set on something, he's set. He pulls away, and Neil huffs, grabbing his smoothie with impressive petulancy.

"None of that, rabbit," Andrew says, digging back in. Even with his particular methods of cutting up his food, he'll most likely demolish the dessert in the next two minutes. "You know what you did."

And at that, Neil can't help but smirk. He feigns innocence as best he can as he sips on his smoothie, chewing on the straw to suppress the joy. He gets the memory of wind whistling through racquet strings, the image of the backliner on his ass and the feral look in Katelyn's eyes.

He's proud, but really, how is any of that his fault?

"I haven't done anything," he replies as Andrew chucks the box into the nearest trash can. "If my life were a factory, it would say at _least_ fifty days have passed since the last accident."

Andrew pauses midstep, unamused.

Neil holds out his hand expectantly, ready to be led through the mall wherever Andrew sees fit. They have a system, though Andrew refuses to admit it.

They start off with Neil's stores simply because Andrew wants to get them over with, but he doesn't rush Neil as he browses the two athletic stores and rants about the minuscule differences in sneakers. Then they stop for sushi, and Andrew will attempt in vain to teach Neil to use chopsticks.

Neil might mess up more on purpose, just so Andrew has to touch his hands more.

Andrew's stores are more for dressing up Neil than Andrew buying anything for himself, though he'll occasionally indulge in buying a new watch or jacket. Especially if Neil picks them out and tells him how good they'd look.

It's a skill Neil has picked up happily, and participates in often. It's not like they're lies, because Andrew always looks good to him.

Mostly, though, he watches his boyfriend browse racks of clothes, holding up shirts and accessories to Neil's body until he's narrowed it down.

It's not hard for Neil to coax him into the dressing room with him after that.

After both forms of dessert, the last stop is the one that perplexes Neil to this day. Despite the confusion, he follows Andrew hand in hand to the overly glitzed up monstrosity that is Claire's.

It's an experience.

It's usually empty apart from one poor soul getting their ears pierced and a few teenagers picking out matching necklaces, but no one is ever phased when Andrew and Neil walk in. They look the opposite of people who should and would shop here, but Claire's is a lawless place with no rules and no judgement.

Neil once joked about Andrew writing a paper on it, since he's fairly certain time is a construct in this place. According to Andrew, however, they have the widest selection of the kind of earrings Andrew likes on Neil: the dangly ones. Perfect for Eden's. They're so cheap Andrew doesn't let him wear them any other time, or for more than a few weekends, but it just means they have to come back often to get new ones.

They should have a membership, but that's the line Andrew won't cross.

Today, Andrew is eyeing a pair with fake gems, and he holds it up to Neil's ear, squeezing his earlobe as he debates. Meanwhile, Neil's eyes float over the nearby costume merchandise and mood-themed jewelry.

There's a pair of chokers that have 'best friends' charms hanging from them, and Neil squints. It's something so cheery and colorful, he's sure Katelyn would be all over it. Probably Matt too.

But the reminder of Katelyn has Neil wincing before he can stop himself.

Andrew follows his gaze to the necklaces, throwing them in the basket a moment later without saying anything. Neil thinks that's the end of it when Andrew moves them to the next display of earrings, but of course it's not.

Andrew doesn't give up digging for answers when it comes to Neil, not that Neil fights him much anymore. It's just...with this...

Ugh.

Andrew's words tell him they're on the same page.

"You're a terrible influence," Andrew voices, throwing in a few more pairs. There's a sale today.

Neil shrugs. He has to play it cool, but it's almost funny how they've come to this discussion. Andrew isn't aware of Neil's moment behind the gym, pipe pressed to some asshole's throat, but he can still read through Neil enough to know he must've done _something_.

So, Neil sighs, and doesn't bother denying it.

"I'm not responsible for what other people do," he reiterates, holding up a pair of black rings. It's unusual for anything in this place to match Andrew's aesthetic, so Neil can't pass it up. He tosses it into the basket.

"Oh, captain who goes down with the ship," Andrew chides, tilting Neil's chin just so. There's a warmth in Andrew's eyes regardless of his words, and Neil stuffs his hands in his hoodie to keep from leaning forward. "Your penchant for leadership means people follow you anyways, even if your decisions are stupid."

Andrew lets go of him to assess his haul, but Neil's not done making his case.

"I'm not Katelyn's leader." Far from it. He knows Katelyn and Andrew generally get along better now, but Andrew can still be under the impression that Katelyn isn’t a force in her own way. No...Neil didn't inspire shit. If anything, Katelyn had...an awakening of sorts.

Neil brings a hand up to cover his smug smile. Ah, it's always so satisfying when people get what they deserve. He can only hope Katelyn doesn’t get addicted to the feeling.

He doubts it, though. Her goals are only ever to protect Aaron. Outside of that she's harmless, unless you count the gossip she hoards.

So what? He made Katelyn realize going for the throat is all too necessary when it comes to the people they hold dear. He stopped her before it could go further, and that should've been her lesson to not lose herself in the future.

Past that, Neil isn't responsible.

"Do you have fun, missing the point all the time?" Andrew asks, backing Neil against one of the columns in the store. Neil is quite familiar with this spot, because it means kisses, and he's a simple man nowadays.

He smirks, reaching over to grab one of the headbands hanging from the metal hooks. This one has animal ears on it, and he plops it on, catching the way Andrew's face twitches.

"If it gets you to talk to me like that, a _little_."

Andrew rips off the ears so fast Neil gasps, and an employee glares at the projectile when it lands in the far corner. Neil snorts, pulling Andrew completely behind the column with him. It's his favorite part of the store, because it faces an empty wall. They're hidden.

"You're insufferable," Andrew chides, but doesn't move away. Neil's content, knowing his warmth and weight has become a comfort.

That's why...that's why he really doesn't feel bad. He'd protect Andrew with everything he had, and Andrew would do the same for him. Through blood and any measure of brutality.

Neil is not naive. His life is a lot different now, and he'll try as hard as he can to make sure things are more peaceful from here on. It's unrealistic in some cases; both of them will always be plagued by nightmares, a mix of paranoia and too many boundaries. But...but the past is so much easier to navigate when the present is peaceful.

Life is not set in stone, and neither is this peace. It's possible there will be more fights, more war. And they'll both be ready, because there's no other choice where one another is concerned.

Even if Andrew won't say it, Neil knows it with bone deep certainty.

And now Katelyn will be prepared too. Neil can't possibly feel an inch of regret for causing that.

Neil sighs when Andrew's hand grips the back of his neck, grazing Neil's ear on the way there, the ghost of a touch.

Come to think of it, that employee sees them here every week...she most certainly knows what they're doing behind this column. Neil sighs a laugh, drowsy all of a sudden. He wants to nap when they get home, Andrew pressed against him. Safe.

"Yes, that's true, I'm pretty bad," Neil whispers, hand resting on Andrew's shoulder. "Don't act like you're not relieved, though."

Andrew tilts his head, pausing just before stealing a kiss.

"Elaborate."

"You've been demoted," Neil says with a smirk, chasing Andrew's lips when he moves back. It's the one direction he runs to consistently now. "Aaron has someone else to protect him."

There's a moment Andrew pauses, letting the words wash over him. It would not have been possible, Neil thinks, even a year ago. But Katelyn isn't just a fixture Andrew ignores now, she's permanent, present.

Andrew's tiny laugh sends a shiver down Neil's spine. "Was that the plan all along, then?"

Neil squints, confused, and Andrew's smile is small but _there_ , something that's becoming increasingly common.

Andrew shrugs, a mocking mirror of Neil's default response. Despite this, he finally crowds Neil in, and he can feel the light press of Andrew's lips sticking to his. Andrew drops the basket when Neil hums in question, the moment private and sealed up just for them. "Now I can put all my efforts towards you," Andrew breathes into Neil's mouth, like a binding spell before the kiss seals them, and it wasn't the plan but...

Neil will gladly take it.

**Author's Note:**

> *reels you in with that soft andreil* but hopefully you love katelyn as much as I do, she's my angel
> 
> thank you so much for reading! I appreciate every comment and they make me cry so please share your thoughts! Not sure what'll be next for me, I'm attempting an AU at some point but either way thanks for all the support!


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